A Book on the Shelf

He admitted he had a history of spousal abuse in his past,
But now he’s a God fearing, he’s a changed man,
He’s a funny kat, can always make a girl smile,
We have a good relationship, rather it gets good for awhile.

Our first argument he yells and throws things at the wall,
Then speaks loud in my face til I’m backed into the wall,
He makes jokes like nothing happened at all,
And changes the subject to get me to talk.

He admitted he had a history of spousal abuse in his past,
But now he’s a God fearing, he’s a changed man,
He’s a funny kat, can always make a girl smile,
We have a good relationship, rather it gets good for awhile.

Now when we argue he threatens me with his past,
He says that he’s a God fearing but I’m really pushing this man,
I never tell him no, I give him everything he wants,
Because if I attempt to say no he says I’m being disrespectful and treating him like a punk.
He slams doors and throws things at the walls,
And then makes jokes like nothing happened at all.

Thursday we fight and I had our child in my hands,
He tells me to put the baby down-
He’s gonna fuck me up
I done changed this man,
I hold my child closer to me because I can’t believe this is happening to me,
He slams doors and throws things at the walls,
And then makes jokes like nothing happened at all.

He admitted he had a history of spousal abuse in his past,
But now he’s a God fearing, he’s a changed man,
He’s a funny kat, can always make a girl smile,
We have a good relationship, rather it gets good for awhile.

Now he says that I deserve to get my ass kicked because I think that I’m tough,
I cry for no reason because this Muslim marriage is too much,
I want to leave him but I have no money and nowhere to go,
I know, I know that this isn’t love,
But for the life of me I don’t know what to do,
I gave up the life that I knew for this fool,
He has distanced me from my closest friends,
From non-blood relatives who have been there through thick and thin,

Walking around him my lungs feel tight,
Looking straight ahead and never in his eyes,
Feeling like a child
Crying because I can’t believe this is my life,
Afraid to gather and opinion because it sparks an argument,
Or if I open my mouth we argue because he doesn’t understand what I meant,
I just keep silent and agree because things are better that way,
My silence gives me peace at least for a few days,

He admitted he had a history of spousal abuse in his past,
But now he’s a God fearing, he’s a changed man,
He’s a funny kat, can always make a girl smile,
We have a good relationship, rather it gets good for awhile.

By: Najiyya ©2003